K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize