peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
