this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I can't turn off my feet"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
