p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
