His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
