it hurts more in the daytime
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
