I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
