i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
