kristin has been a bad kristin
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
