Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My ATM looks so different sober.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
