I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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