Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
