I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize