She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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