All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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