We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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