Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
