If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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