i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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