11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
