I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
