Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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