Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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