I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
