she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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