I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
