the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
