If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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