Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So much Jack, so little girl.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
