There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
