just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
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