We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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