i just had sex bonerless
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
