I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize