I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
