She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You ate ashes out of my bong
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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