Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
