ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
