She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize