just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
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