just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
