I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
