you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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