She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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