Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
