just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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