I just cut my nipple shaving
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You're like the curious george of whores
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
