No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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