so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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