i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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