I'm really into asian looking animals
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
