I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
