ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
