My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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