I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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