forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You are the jesus of drinking
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
