She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize