Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
