Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
