you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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