Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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