hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
