it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
