Im at strip club and am horny
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
This is my gift to your gina
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
