Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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