she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
