He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
