i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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