I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
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