I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
