margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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