Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize